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Dating Tips?
Hey guys I’m back for a few days. I disappeared cuz my arms have gotten to the point where I need help with everything and my parents don’t want to sit with me and help me type lol. But I’m in a respit home rn and they help me. Anyway I want to talk my mom into letting me start online dating but I know she is concerned about how I will actually get to the dates and everything cuz she doesn’t have time to do that you know? How did y’all get to your dates and once you were there what did you do? Any other tips for online dating with SMA? Thank you!
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8 Replies
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Hi Crystal. Good to hear from you. Have you considered hiring caregivers? They could take you and even give you some privacy by sitting at a different table or just staying their distance. If you’re not comfortable being alone with your date, you could also explain to them upfront that you’ll have a caregiver with you.
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Unfortunately I don’t have much advice, but it’s so good to hear from you! As Alyssa said, having outside caregivers could be an option. Usually you have to go through your county to set up services. Is there accessible public transportation in your area? If not maybe an online date night. Some of the streaming services have it so you both can watch a movie at the same time. I haven’t done it, but maybe someone else can chime in on how it works. With Covid I think there’s a lot more online options for dates like game nights or classes that could be fun.
p.s. Do you use an on-screen keyboard? It might make it easier if you can maneuver a little mouse or trackpad to type. I didn’t even know it existed until I broke my arm and typing was no longer an option. It takes time to adjust, but I don’t know what I would do without it now.
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Thank you guys. My mom has been trying to get at home health aides or nurses. Is that the same thing? I don’t know but we haven’t had much luck at all. Actually we’ve had zero luck. Right now I’m in a respit home but my time here is almost done. I don’t know what will happen next but I know we’ve had more luck with this place than having a nurse at home. Online dates would probably be best at least at first. But we’d have to meet in person at some point, you know?
I do use the on screen keyboard and actually mine allows me to make it smaller which also helps. But I just can’t reach my arm up to the tablet. I can barely reach my table. The only reason I’m able to be on here right now is because the nurse put my elbow up on the table for me but my moms hate doing that for some reason. Also I can’t find my tablet at home. I’m using the respit place’s tablet.
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Hey Crystal, great to hear from you!
First off, I do think virtual dates and talking/texting are good ways to start. It gives you a chance to connect with someone first. Then you can discuss ways to meet in person. I have friends and caregivers who drive me a lot when we’re hanging out.
Regarding an assistive device, I use my wheelchair tray for everything. It came with my chair and slides right on. I put my phone and laptop on it. Do you have a service provider who can look into this for you? Let me know if you have any other questions.
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I don’t think I’ve told y’all yet but sma has progressed so freaking much for me now that we’ve only found one chair that actually works for me and that one doesn’t have a tray. And yeah we do have a service provider but she is currently working on getting me a new bed and home health aide.
I can barely even swallow anymore. Even my own spit won’t go down. I’m kinda scared but I’m trying not to think about it and just stay positive.
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Progression stinks. Sorry you’re dealing with that. I forget, are you on any of the SMA treatments?
Not sure what kind of chair you have, but I can see a tray being helpful for you too. I’d ask the gal helping you with the bed about it. Even if the chair didn’t come with one, they might be able to fashion something that would work. Either that or a hospital table. They’re usually adjustable so you can maneuver close.
Love your positive attitude! As far as dating, Kevin’s right. It’s something you can figure out as you go. Keep us updated. You can probably teach us a thing or two.
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I have a custom chair that tilts back. It doesn’t come with a tray but that’s okay. I have a table that is adjustable and we have it at the best height. I love it and can’t live without it. Still my arms are extremely weak. I’ve considered getting the jaco arm but 1). my mom swears I’m not at that stage yet and 2). I’m kinda scared of anything that works on its own but I can’t see their brain. I don’t even like hospital beds but my mom thinks it’ll help me with my swallowing and pain.
I talked to my brother about the online dating thing and he said that it shouldn’t be a problem for my mom to drop me off at the date but I said if I can have someone else do it, I’d rather that cuz who wants their mom to drop them off on a date? Lol. Then I said, “I’d even rather you drop me off. I’ve thought about doing a double date with you that way you’d also be there if anything goes wrong you know? But I understand if you don’t want to do that even if you didn’t live 2 hours away.” And he said he wouldn’t mind doing a double date. So maybe one day I can go on a date. Plus I think I would feel more comfortable with him there cuz I don’t trust anyone as much as I trust him. My brother makes me feel like not only will he not hurt me but he also won’t let anyone else hurt me including me.
Like I said I’m at respit right now and I’m using their tablet right now. That’s how I’m talking to you guys but I’m leaving tomorrow so I might not be able to respond for a couple months. I might come back to respit in September. Thank you guys for helping me so much. I listen to the flash briefings all the time and they make me feel better. Thank you.-
Good luck with the dating scene, Crystal. Hope you’re able to figure something out. 🙂 We’ll be here when you’re able to come back to the forums!
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