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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by Ryan Berhar.

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    • #16613
      Kevin Schaefer
      Keymaster

      Per DeAnn’s post about how our parents can be overprotective, I wanted to start a conversation about establishing boundaries for parents and caregivers. Especially as we get older, but are still dependent on other people for physical needs, it’s important that we have our space. It’s not healthy for either party if the parent or caregiver is unnecessarily hovering over the person who they care for.

      I know for me, I’ve had to have conversations with my parents, aids, and caregivers if they’re trying to do too much for me or helping me with things that I can do on my own. Heck, when I was in elementary school and could still lift my arms fine, I had an aid who insisted on feeding me like I was a baby. Since then, I’ve of course learned to speak up for myself, but sometimes it can be challenging to do this without coming across as rude.

      With my parents, I’ve had to have conversations in the past about giving me space and letting me take care of things on my own. Even though I still live with them, I pay rent and caregiving expenses, work full-time, and I have caregivers throughout the week and friends who drive me. I’m an adult with a lot of independence, and I can do things on my own. Granted, it’s more my Dad that forgets this sometimes lol, but he’s gotten a lot better in recent years. I mentioned in that other post that he was pretty overprotective when I started college, but he’s come a long way since then.

      Then with caregivers, I’ve had ones who have been really overbearing and who didn’t work out. One in particular tried to do things her way, and was really bad at listening to me. She didn’t last long, but it was a really stressful and frustrating experience.

      Have you had situations like these? How do you approach conversations about establishing boundaries for your parents and caregivers?

    • #16630
      Adnan Hafizovic
      Participant

      You said all Kevin,at everyone similar problems.I always say to my mom who is my main caregiver,what must to do,yes she sometimes don’t like it but I don’t care ,I know that I feel is it for example sling good put it.

      • #16633
        Kevin Schaefer
        Keymaster

        For sure. Those conversations can be tough, but they’re important.

        I’m curious, do they have any kind of caregiving services in your area? Or do you just have to find your own if you want to hire people outside your family?

    • #16645
      Adnan Hafizovic
      Participant

      We don’t have classical caregiving service.If someone need caregiver he put advertisement on radio or Facebook and how we find caregiver.Problem is hard to find young caregiver on long term,recently I was looking advertisement from four caregivers and three of them have over 55 years,and all were women.Why is that?Because a lot of our young caregivers go to work in Germany or other Western Europe country.Of course we don’t recieve a lot of money from state for our needs,for example if I want to have caregiver 24 hours every day I must give my all my pension and my father pension which I inherited from him when he died.So cheaper option is go in nursing home.

    • #16722
      Krystal
      Participant

      Thanks for posting this, as it will make me take a step back to remind myself that my daughter may not need help with EVERYTHING, and even at her age of 14 months, she WANTS to be more independent. My husband and I helped to make a Bumbo Wheelchair for her this past weekend, and when we placed her into the chair for the first time, she seemed to INSTANTLY know what to do and started to move forward in the wheelchair! She was smiling and laughing because she discovered she could move. It was amazing to watch, and also a little heartbreaking because I realized that even though she is my baby, she will grow up and want independence, just like each and every one of us.

      In DeAnn’s thread about overprotective parents, I am still struggling with finding that balance, but I hope to learn more about topics like these so I can be cognizant of my actions when the time comes to get aides for her.

       

      • #16758
        DeAnn R
        Keymaster

        Krystal, I saw the picture of the Bumbo chair on Facebook.  Fun!  Reminded me of my Kiddie Cart when I was a kid.  It had a small front wheel that I had the brilliant idea to put in the bed of a remote control truck. Voila, my first electric wheelchair!  I could only go forward and backwards, but hey it was a blast.  Another fun thing I had was what we called a rolling barrel.  It was basically just a giant piece of PVC pipe (my dad was a plumber.)  I could use my hands and feet to kind of push myself back and forth.  Good exercise and fun.

    • #16766
      Ryan Berhar
      Keymaster

      This is always going to be problematic to a certain extent. Only having someone around when you need them is pretty much impossible. Like you said, gently remind people you need space. That’s all you can really do.

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