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Holiday Conversation Topics
I came across this article in The Mighty earlier: https://themighty.com/2016/03/questions-to-ask-a-person-with-disabilities/.
While I get where this author is coming from, I have to disagree with the crux of her argument. I want my relatives to ask me about my job, my day-to-day life, if I’m dating anyone, etc. I want to be asked the same questions that my able-bodied siblings get asked during the holidays and family get-togethers. I get annoyed if I don’t get asked those questions.
This Thanksgiving was good, and I talked a lot about my work with relatives. Still, even though my brother is about to get engaged and that was a big topic of discussion, I didn’t get asked once if I was seeing anyone. It’s not a big deal, but it annoys me a little. I know everyone is different, and the writer here makes some good points. Personally though, I prefer to be asked about the same kinds of things that other members of my family get asked. I’m totally fine talking about my health, but I like to discuss other topics as well.
What about you all? Thoughts?
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9 Replies
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Personally I think people in general have gotten to be way too sensitive and because of that nobody wants to ask questions that they think will be taken the wrong way. As you mentioned you would like to be asked some of these questions while others may not. I guess you don’t really know until you ask. People just have to get over the fear of asking and people, like the author of this article, need to take questions in stride. If it’s not something you want to talk about you can always deflect.
The go to topic that I get questions on are about my service dog. Probably because it’s easy. Like you with the health questions, I don’t mind talking about him, but it gets a little old. Since I can’t always relate to the topic of conversation, it’s something I can talk about. Maybe I have to get better about initiating conversation I guess. That way it might be easier to guide the conversation.
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I agree. If there’s a question or topic you’d rather not discuss, just keep it brief and change the subject. But the idea of coming up with different questions for relatives with disabilities just reinforces disability stereotypes to me.
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This is really interesting to me. When I was younger, like ages 17-20, I didn’t like it when people asked me these questions, because I didn’t have a job yet, nor was I going to college. It’s kind of embarrassing when someone asks “what you’re doing” and all you can say is “well, I shoot zombies.” Since I got a job, however, I’m comfortable talking about it. Even before I had a job, I never blamed people for asking those questions, though, because they’re perfectly reasonable. It’s likely that it’s simply small talk, not an attempt to establish superior status. If I’m uncomfortable with them, that’s really more about my own insecurities than the questions being out of line. Even if these questions are “success based” , so what? Disabled people can be successful, too, so I certainly don’t support the idea of not asking disabled people certain questions because it might stress them out. Like Kevin said, I think that reinforces stereotypes.
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I agree. And like we’ve said, you can always change the subject if it’s not one you particularly want to talk about.
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I agree that it is nice to discuss more than SMA. There are, however, some relative that prefer not to discuss thing like work, school, and dating with. Not because I dislike any of these topics, but because some people just don’t seem to understand why I’m not doing things they would expect me to, or why I do them differently. And with some people it feels like no amount of explaining will clear it up. They just don’t seem to grasp why I’m not in school, why I don’t have “job,” (I do volunteer work, and consider that my job) or haven’t dated. However, with people who are more understanding, I certainly welcome any conversation topic from SMA related discussions, to work, to the weather.
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Thanks for sharing Halsey. Yeah, I think it just varies on the individual. Hopefully family members know other family members well enough to know what topics they prefer to discuss.
What kind of volunteer work do you do by the way?
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I do pretty wide range of work. I’m a client at our local center for people with disabilities (Turnstone) in our adult day service (ADS) and I take some time out of time as a client to help lead some of the activities, and read to our memory care clients. I also serve on committees to help plan fundraisers and collect auction donation items. I greatly enjoy it and love the people I work for and with.
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That’s awesome! It helps tremendously when you work with good people and do something you enjoy.
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Most definitely! I’ve been very blessed to get to do what I do!
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