-
How do you handle caregivers in social gatherings?
As someone who can’t go out without help, I often deal with the following scenario:
I get an invitation from a friend. I ask if I can bring along my PCA and their immediate response is obviously “yes”. When we get there, however, things get awkward. The other guests feel they should involve my PCA in the conversation and, frankly, so do I. After all, she’s not an inanimate object, she’s another person at the table and we can’t just ignore her as if she doesn’t exist. On the other hand, my friends choose to hang out with me, not some random stranger with whom they may have nothing in common. Perhaps I’m just making a big fuss out of it due to my own insecurities, but it doesn’t feel right to subject my friends or my PCA to this. Especially my friends because for my PCA I guess it’s part of the job…
How do you deal with situations like this? Any tips you can share?
-
5 Replies
-
Great topic. Wish I had more advice to give. We probably make more of a deal out of it than they do, but I totally get where you’re coming from. It never fails that I get company when my PCA is here and we’re in the middle of something. Then your scenario comes into play. For your situation does your PCA need to be close at hand? If not maybe you can suggest they bring a book and lurk nearby until you let them know you need their assistance. Depending on the activity, maybe they could invite their own friend that way your friends wouldn’t feel obligated to entertain them. Of course that can create issues as well. I’m interested to hear what everyone else has to say. You kind of have to do what you feel comfortable with, but finding the balance to appease everyone isn’t the easiest.
-
The truth is I find things to be easier at home. In fact, we do what you suggested all the time. When we’re at someone else’s house though, or at a restaurant, I don’t feel as comfortable sending her someplace else. I’m still working on it, but I’m glad you think it’s okay to ask for something like that because I don’t trust my perspective on this one!
-
-
To add to what DeAnn said, do your friends know how to handle your care? For example, my friends know how to do the basics like feed me, adjust me in my chair, etc. If you send your caregiver someplace else, could one of your friends step in? I’m always honest and upfront with my friends and will ask them how they feel about a caregiver coming or if they wouldn’t mind helping me with things. Maybe approach it that way?
-
That would be ideal, Alyssa, but the only people who know how to handle my care are my family, my PCA and a couple of very close friends. Perhaps I should be more receptive when people I don’t know very well offer to feed me, but even that takes practice. For instance, my caregivers know how to chop the food, put the right amount on the fork, take breaks so that I can talk etc. It’s like a dance that requires coordination!
-
I understand completely! I’m hesitant to allow others to handle my care if they don’t know exactly how I need things done. Like you said, something as simple as chopping up food is a big deal to us and needs to be done a certain way to avoid choking. To be honest it took me years to open up to the idea of letting my friends help me.
-
-
Log in to reply.