Phase 1 of ‘Connie Care’ provides an opportunity to connect with others
How I use the "coffee mug lift" maneuver to introduce others to my care
“OK, so just pick up my arm and rest my elbow on the table right here, with my hand up toward my face. That’s right. Now do the same thing with my other arm. Yeah, like that, but move my elbows closer together. Great! Now pick up my coffee mug and put it in my hands. Wait, let me get my hands underneath it, and don’t let go until I say so! Good, I’ve got it, now you can let go.”
I gave these odd step-by-step instructions to the girl sitting next to me, a new acquaintance who would soon become a true friend. Meanwhile, another friend sat across the table sipping her tea and silently watching us with an amused and knowing grin on her face.
“Ah, the old coffee mug lift — the first steps in Connie Care,” she sighed nostalgically. “I remember those days. It’s just beginning — watch out, in a few weeks she’ll be inviting you on an out-of-town weekend excursion!” We all laughed, but honestly, it’s not much of an exaggeration.
A unique way to connect with others
Every relationship has to begin somewhere. Whether it’s a job interview, first date, or meet-and-greet, it can be intimidating because you don’t know how you’ll be received or if you’ll fit in and be understood and accepted.
Add to this awkward dynamic a rather immediate display of vulnerability and necessary dependency, and you get what I face everywhere I go. I am an adult with SMA, and I’ve spent most of my life in a wheelchair, with limited range of motion and strength. In order for me to succeed in many everyday tasks, I need to enlist the assistance of the people who are with me.
From left, Connie Chandler and two of her caregiving friends, Ruth Secaur and Abby Alexander, enjoy a hot cup of tea. (Courtesy of Connie Chandler)
And my nostalgic friend isn’t wrong; that particular maneuver — the “coffee mug lift” — is one that I’ve trained many people to do, including my nephews, roommates, small group members, students, and random friends I meet at parties. It’s probably because I love hot coffee and tea (a lot), so it is a natural and frequent way that I connect with others. And if this goes well, I might eventually ask those dear volunteers if they would participate in other activities of daily living with me, such as cutting up my food, opening packages, or even driving my van.
I call this level of caregiving “phase one,” and all my able-bodied friends are a part of it. Sometimes these things are the most I will ask a person to do, or maybe it’s the most that person is comfortable or capable of doing. And that is absolutely OK — not every friendship caregiver needs to be a certified nursing assistant!
Besides, when we both make the effort to engage in these activities together, we are actually helping each other become better people. I’m practicing asking for help in basic and safe ways, and they are practicing saying yes to service opportunities they might not have seen otherwise.
These tasks may seem simple and ordinary, but they profoundly enrich my life by letting me enjoy little pleasures, like a warm drink in my hands and the sweet company of friends. When a person is willing to listen and learn and help in whatever capacity they can, they get to create accessibility, inclusion, and friendship.
Note: SMA News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of SMA News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to spinal muscular atrophy.
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