Embracing My Inner Alien
— Kevin Schaefer

In “The Lord of the Rings,” Sam and Frodo travel through rocky terrains and the murkiest of marshes on the road to Mordor. By the time they finally reach their destination, the hobbits are drenched in blood, bruises, and tears from the hardships of their journey. Contrary to the open…

My life often echoes the absurdity of a Monty Python sketch. When my primary care physician called me on a Friday night in early May, I wasn’t thinking about my health. I hadn’t experienced any unusual SMA symptoms that week, and thus wasn’t expecting the urgency in…

For the past couple of years, I’ve been playing a Star Wars role-playing game (RPG) with friends from church. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. My church is progressive and a number of us in the congregation are self-professed geeks. Once a month, we gather for several hours…

In the 1987 science fiction spoof movie “Spaceballs,” Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) is betrothed to Prince Valium (Jim J. Bullock), who dozes off constantly. He has chronic drowsiness, so much so that he yawns when Vespa flees their wedding ceremony in a runaway spaceship. When I first saw…

A few weeks ago, my co-workers and I had a candid discussion about the things that tick us off. I work with a large team of patient and caregiver columnists from this site’s parent company, and we share many similar experiences and mindsets. Our monthly community calls over Zoom…

“We have to, Kevin.” That’s the text my caregiver, Christian, sent me several months ago when he found out that “Star Wars” actor Hayden Christensen would soon be attending a pop culture convention in Washington, D.C. We immediately agreed that we had to go. Logistics of my…

My caregivers give me a wedgie every morning. I’ll let that image settle into your brain before I elaborate. This part of my routine bears no resemblance to the act of torture commonly featured in teenage movies. It’s still uncomfortable, but necessary in my case. Once my morning caregivers, usually…

When I was in Washington, D.C., last October for a Cure SMA advocacy conference, I used the Metro station to get to and from the city’s Capitol building. I hadn’t taken a train or subway in years, and my blatant lack of direction as I fumbled through the…

The film “Everything Everywhere All at Once” features parallel universes, sprawling action sequences, and images involving hot dogs that viewers will never forget. It’s a highly cinematic, cross-genre epic. But at its core, it’s a movie about family and relationships. The film’s two central characters are a mother…

My brother and sister-in-law recently took my nephews to see “Paw Patrol Live!” when the show came to our area. Anyone who has kids under the age of 5 is likely familiar with the popular animated series about a canine police force. The live show brings these characters…

In the 1989 comedy film “See No Evil, Hear No Evil,” the protagonists redefine the phrase “unlikely heroes.” Wally (Richard Pryor) is blind, Dave (Gene Wilder) is deaf, and both are professionals at getting into trouble. When they find themselves at a murder scene and get framed for…

Note: Spoilers ahead for the novel and play. My dad and I recently saw a play adaptation of Stephen King’s “Misery,” perfect viewing for the spooky season. Anyone familiar with King’s novel or the iconic 1990 film starring Kathy Bates and James Caan knows the story. When novelist…