When caregivers are strong enough to carry groceries and true friendship

I have a really special and pretty large friendship caregiving team, which I write about a lot in this column. Because I live with SMA, I need plenty of help, and I am grateful for all the wonderful friends who do so much. Mostly, my caregivers are women, because of the personal nature of many of my daily needs. But a few of my friends’ husbands also play important caregiving roles in my life. Some of them chauffeur me around town in my van or fix things around my house. One volunteers to mow my lawn (thanks, Brian!), and another supplies me with health-conscious items like air purifiers, supplements, and coloring books (thanks, Jared!).

A couple years ago, my dear friend Lisa’s husband, Justin, told her that he wanted to be on my team, too. Honestly, we all think Justin is sort of a champion-ringer in the caregiving world. He is a physician’s assistant in the emergency room, so because of his skill set and cool composure in a crisis, he’s usually my first call when I have a medical issue. But he’s also super-strong. He was a CrossFit junky for years and is a bodybuilder; he can literally carry his wife and three daughters at the same time, like an impressive pack mule. Surely, we could find a beneficial caregiving task for him to put those muscles to good use! And we did.

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Justin is now the official “grocery guy” on the Connie Care Team. About once a month, he comes over and drives me to the store, and we wander down all the aisles, filling the cart with essentials (i.e., coffee) and nonessentials (i.e., spinach) to replenish my refrigerator, pantry, and cabinets. We chat about life, compare prices and brands, check off my list, add a spontaneous item or two, and occasionally grab Starbucks drinks for the ride home.

Here’s the best part: After he scans the 500 items piled in the cart and bags them up, Justin grabs all the bags — on one arm — and carries them to the van. Talk about a power-flex move! As we leave the store and cross the parking lot, I cannot help but notice all the people who stare in wonder as he passes them by, and I give them a smug look and nod as if to say, “Oh yeah, that’s my grocery guy.”

Is this what Justin has been training for all these years? Probably not … actually, no, definitely not. I am sure he must have much more glamorous and glorious dreams for his feats of strength than toting my groceries around. He could shrug his massive shoulders and say that such a task is beneath him and a waste of his talents, and who would blame him or disagree? But the fact that he cheerfully does it anyway is exactly what makes his assistance feel so kind.

Maybe that is what real strength looks like: not just lifting the heaviest weights or doing the most reps in the gym, but choosing to use whatever gifts we have to serve others and lighten someone else’s load. Justin’s care for me may look like a lot of muscles and grocery bags, but what I really see is a friendship that is strong, steady, and willing to carry what I cannot. And hey, if friendship happens to come with biceps capable of hauling a month’s worth of groceries in one trip, well, I certainly won’t complain.

Note: SMA News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of SMA News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to spinal muscular atrophy.