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Admitting When You’re Not Ok
I just read this great piece in the New York Times disability section (https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/06/18/opinion/the-dangers-of-denying-pain.html). The author has sporadic-hemiplegic-migraines (S.H.M.), and she writes here about having to come to terms with seeking help instead of trying to “tough it out” herself.
Asking for help is never easy, and it’s something that all of us who have SMA have to do at some point. I think often we are so engrained with this mentality of “tough it out” and “figure things out yourself,” when in reality there is nothing wrong with seeking help. Seeking help is often viewed as a sign of weakness, but it’s not. I recommend to every person with SMA to find a strong support group and to not be afraid to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you can’t be independent.
For me, there was a time when having SMA and other circumstances in my life were becoming too overwhelming for me to handle on my own. I tend to brush off matters and “tough it out” like the author talks about here, but it got to a point where I knew I needed help. I was a sophomore in college, and I started to be more open about the mental and emotional effects that SMA was having on me. I turned to my faith, my pastors and mentors, and to an older friend with SMA. It wasn’t easy to get to the point I’m at today, but it all started with admitting that things weren’t ok and that I needed help. I was an emotional wreck at that point in my life, even though I looked fine on the outside.
Things got significantly better over time, and today I love my life. But joy isn’t something you just attain in an instant. Sometimes it takes plunging through the darkness to get to the other side.
I hope you all will take the time to read this article and reflect on it. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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5 Replies
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Most definitely an interesting article. In many ways I can relate, but I don’t always think being tough is a bad thing. With regards to that anyone who knows me knows if I say something is wrong it certainly needs attention. I’ll tough things out as long as possible. It’s rather annoying when I see others screaming bloody murder over a paper-cut, or telling me a sob story why they haven’t been able to drive for a week. Seriously, I haven’t driven my entire life and I’ve managed. I’m trying to be more empathetic, but it can be difficult. I do agree with you though Kevin. It is important to know yourself and seek help when you need it.
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I definitely agree with you there. What I’m getting at is that it’s about having a balance. Staying strong and recognizing when you need help aren’t mutually exclusive.
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>I have given this post some thought, and I was going to say something similar to that, Kevin. There needs to be balance. Being tough is fantastic, but if you’re being tough at the expense of your well being, that’s of course a problem. We all have different physical and mental limits, and it’s important to establish what they are. I just wish the article would have taken it to that next level, instead of always coming back to excessive “toughness” as the problem. It seems to misidentify the issue to a certain extent. But that’s just my interpretation.</p>
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That’s fair. I think it’s good that it’s sparking this kind of discussion. I think what the author was getting at is that all she was told as a child was to “tough it out” and that had a negative impact on her health later on in life. I agree that she could have emphasized the balance aspect a little more, but she didn’t really have any kind of balance as a child and her health issues were kind of brushed off by her parents.
My best advice is to seek help when you need it, but to keep in mind that asking for help and living strong and independently aren’t mutually exclusive. That’s just my two cents.
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Agreed!
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