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How do you handle infantilization?
For those of you that may not know, infantilization is simply when an adult treats another adult as though they are a child. As someone with a disability, I deal with this often, and I bet you do, too. I won’t get started on how aggravating it is for me when someone treats me as such. But, my question for today is: how do you respond? My initial reaction is to be incredibly rude and cold. But I’m not that mean ???? still, I never know if I should correct them or if my ability to respond as a mature adult is enough of a jab.
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5 Replies
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Hey Alyssa. I hope you’re doing well.
For me, the way to respond is to take the higher road. Whether talking that way, or just as offensive IMO, asking the person with me about me as if I have no ability to comprehend. If you respond as a mature adult, that should be enough of a clue for them to stop. And hopefully they have enough self-awareness to stop. However, if they persist, that’s another thing altogether. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to educate gently or firmly, depending on the person and how they’re acting, but still not rudely. Again, be the better person. And if they still persist (ugh), an opportunity to excuse yourself and not subject yourself to that kind of verbal assault. Because at that point, the level of offense is too high and you won’t be able to carry a conversation anyway and they are either completely ignorant, rude, or oblivious – or some kind of combination.
I’d like to think most of these offenses are not mean spirited. Taking the high road, being our better angels, conveys this and hopefully rectifies the behavior. Most folks are simply unaware or uncomfortable conversing with people who are not like them. They may experience this awkwardness in many exchanges with people different than they are. And if it’s a rare interaction with someone in power chair, perhaps their assumptions are based on nothing more than a character they’ve seen in a movie or on TV, so really have no idea. Giving them an “out” and saving face without humiliating or being rude has always seemed to work better for me in most situations.
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Luckily I haven’t had this happen to me as an adult. But what does kind of annoy me even though it’s meant with good intentions, is people letting me cut in line in front of them. like oh you go ahead. As if like the “poor you” kind of sentiment. I usually always respond with no that’s okay you can go.
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Yes, Tammy! I’ve had that happen more times than I can recall. I went for early voting in 2016 and the guy at the polling place came up to me and said, “You have to go to the front of the line.” I said, “I’m good, thanks.” He left and came back 2 – 3 minutes later: “I checked and you really have to go to the front of the line.” Me: “I’m good, thanks. In fact, I’m likely more comfortable than the folks in front of me standing on their feet. But I tell you what, you go to every single person in front of me and ask if it’s okay if I can get in front of them and if all 100 some odd of them say okay, then I’ll do it.” He looked at me and repeated, “You have to go the front of the line.” I laughed and said, “I’m good. Please stop.” He did and a few minutes later his superior came up to me apparently to urge me along and I just held up my hand, said “no.” That was that. But, wow. After that, the guy in front of me turned around and said, “Sir, please go in front of me” and we both started laughing.
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LMAO yes it’s like I said no dammit! LOL. But yeah sometimes it can be embarrassing especially if I’m with a group of friends. It just makes me feel kind of low. And I don’t like my friends looking at me that way, even though I know they don’t. But I’m like please, sitting in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I need to cut in front of everyone. I’m really ok LOL. Like I said I know they only mean well but it can be embarrassing depending on the situation
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Strangely, a mature response is almost never enough! Depending on the occasion, I might tell a joke like “If only I was a child and deserved those sweet remarks, but sadly I lost the title years ago”. I like to think that this way I can get across the message without offending them.
I’m not particularly annoyed when people offer their place in line. It makes sense to assume that older people, pregnant women and disabled people get tired more easily. I would be extremely annoyed, if they insisted after I had declined, but so far, when I say “no thanks” they usually back down.
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