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On Beating Yourself Up
This week has been a STRUGGLE for me. Basically, I did a stupid thing. And I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but here we go.
I wanted to start taking apple cider vinegar again because I hear it has so many health benefits. I’ve tried doing this once before but didn’t stick to it for very long, so it didn’t make any difference in my health. Anyway… I thought I’d try again and did exactly what I did the last time: about 10ml in a shot glass, undiluted. However, this time around I burned my esophagus so badly that I could barely swallow for about 12 hours, and in those 12 hours I was panicking beyond belief that I had caused permanent damage. (Old medical traumas caused me to think this way.)
I know it was not a smart decision, you don’t have to remind me lol. But, because it was my fault, because it was something I could have avoided if I had just not been so irresponsible, I’m really beating myself up for it. I know we all make mistakes, but this one really got to me. Ever been in a situation similar? What are some ways you try to go easy on yourself?
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7 Replies
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yeah I mean these kind of things happen to everybody, it is just part of being a human:) I also did 2 weeks ago very stupid thing that impacted my health (I am too tired to write about that right now), and I was so furious 🙂 But this is like being angry at yourself because you have to eat, you just have to it, every living being has to it, and every living being makes incredibly stupid mistakes.
also, it goes away; every time I do something stupid I am pretty angry with myself, but the point is that it always goes away. So that is comforting to me.
also, I really believe that nothing is just good or bad, so every time something nice happens I am thinking what are the dangerous behind this, and when anything bad happens I am trying to learn something, and in general I believe that this had to happen for some reason.
you can try avoiding thinking about the stupid thing you did (just stop your train of thoughts every time you start thinking at that thing you did, consciously start thinking about something else, or even better watch a movie), but in my experience this strategy is only good for short term effects. Like I can successfully avoid thinking about something for 2 or 3 days, but if effects of my stupidity continue after 3 days there is no chance I am still going to be able to avoid thinking about this.
try breathing it out; focus on the stupidity, bring all the feelings and all of everything in your mind, and then with each exhale start clearing all of this from your body/min, just imagine how it all goes out through your nostrils.
so there are some techniques, but in general I think the way to go is just learning the most out of experience, and knowing that this hunting feeling will stop eventually.
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At least you realized you did something stupid (not that it was really all that stupid but anyway ????). Plenty of people make bad choices and don’t even realize it. So the fact that you did means you have self-awareness or whatever. Consider it a successful failure.
But yeah totally get it. Whenever I get injured I’m pissed at myself for a minute for allowing the situation to occur.
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Coming from someone who went off the edge of the ramp turning around to look at a flower, it happens. It could’ve ended badly, but I’m ok and you’re ok. Now you know better and will be more careful moving forward. A tricky part for us is that we can’t really keep our stupidity to ourselves like other individuals. Luckily for me I didn’t tip the chair completely and was able to right myself without assistance, so it’s our little secret. I can tell you I won’t be doing that again.
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Cause of death: stopped to smell the roses
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Right! Not the way I want to go out.
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Omg I’m glad you’re ok!
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Thank you for all the great advice. I’m feeling much better now and more at peace with it. Oy, my Alyssa moments are happening far more frequently these days.
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