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Columnist Writes About Grieving For What Once Was
Hey everyone. Here’s the latest up on my column titled, “The Unexpected Feeling a Bookstore Gave Me.”
This was an interesting piece for me to write, mostly because rehashing uncomfortable and unwanted feelings are not an easy thing to do. Nevertheless, I felt as though it was an important topic to discuss.
I’m generally a happy person who focuses on her blessings, but I’m also human. Every now and then, I grieve for the abilities SMA has robbed me of, and I let those feelings fester. They come in waves and certainly when I’m least expecting it— like in bookstores— but, these feelings love to mess with my head.
Do you ever grieve for the things you can no longer do yourself? Did something in my column resonate with you?
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4 Replies
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I’ve always been a very avid reader also. When I had to stop reading actual books, the Kindle and its apps had not been developed yet, so I was heartbroken to lose my favorite pastime. I used to read anything from books to newspapers to magazines – whatever I could get my hands on. Yes, it was a depressing time without my dear friends of the literary world, as well as feeling as if I had also lost my route to intelligent conversation. To me, anyone becomes more well-rounded, more articulate, more imaginative, and thus more of a conversationalist by reading different kinds of text (& I don’t mean the emoji-filled kind you send to your friends on the phone!) Suddenly I wasn’t able to talk about politics or social programs or the latest fiction phenomenon. I felt like I had been double whammied in the loss department, and my grief was increasing exponentially.
I remember the day I first got the Kindle app on my PC – I wasn’t able to use an actual Kindle or my phone because I can’t move my arms or hands at all. It was much more trouble than it was worth to try voice activation on the phone to read a book when using the app on the PC was quick & easy. That day I purchased 10 Kindle books and made a list of about 100 more. Every day for weeks, I perused the choices on Amazon and divided my list into 2, one for the free Kindle Unlimited books & one for the selections that would cost me some money. Whenever Amazon would send me one of its own lists of books on sale for anywhere from $0.99 to $5, I would read the synopses, look at the ratings, and read the excerpts to decide which I could stretch my budget to include. To say the least, I had been rewarded for keeping my stamina thru my previous grief with having many more options available to me in this new world of technology. Recently, as in this past summer, I also discovered that I can borrow books from my local library thru Amazon. It’s been a piece of cake to get a virtual library card in my city and take advantage of our online facilities. Even more books are available to me using Amazon and the library without having to break open my bank. I feel as if I’m really visiting that age-old establishment of knowledge, history, and abundant tales because sometimes the books I want are all “checked out,” and I have to wait until one becomes available for me to get. I rush to read those before my 14-day lending period expires and the book magically disappears from my computer. The only thing I am limited by today is how fast I can absorb all those words and my imagination, neither of which know any boundaries!
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I really loved this column! I think it’s hard not to sometimes think of the abilities we have lost, and like you said, we are often reminded of them at very unexpected times. I recently binge watched Heartland which is about a rescue horse ranch. I loved it, but it made me miss horseback riding. When I was about 10, I did therapy riding (I had an insane amount of support and protection). Now there’s no way I could do it even with all that support. I adored my lessons and the horses! Never would have imagined that watching that show would make me miss it.
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Reading your post made me feel melancholy, Halsey. Thank you for sharing that. I’m so sorry you aren’t able to horseback ride anymore but I’m so glad you have those cherished memories to hold onto.
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Oh I’m so sorry you lost the ability to read (physically) for a while there, Kelly. I can’t begin to imagine! I’m going to have to look into renting books on Amazon through my local library. What a great concept!
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