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Trying to Keep Expectations in Check
I’m not fond of needing assistance with just about every aspect of life. With that being said I’ve come to terms with it. What I’m struggling with lately is keeping my expectations in check as far as timeframes go. For example, maybe you’ve seen my video on swing-away door hinges. After realizing how much I love them, I want another set going into the bathroom. Back in January I knocked the leg off my dining room table so when my brother-in-law fixed it for me I asked him to replace the hinges too. Since it’s really a two person job he said he’d come back with my sister sometime. Three months have passed. My sister knew about it too, so I doubt they simply forgot.
Since then I also have a shelf I need hung. Over Easter I mentioned it again along with the shelf, so hopefully it’ll get done soon. It’s just difficult feeling like I’m on the back burner. It’s not a paid gig though, so I can’t expect it done at the drop of a hat. When it does get done I also have to be super grateful because inevitably I’ll need their help down the road. What would you consider reasonable expectations? How do you decide if you’re asking too much?
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5 Replies
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I totally get what you’re saying DeAnn about not knowing where to draw that line between getting what I need and asking for too much. Family doesn’t like taking money unless it’s a huge job, so how do I show my appreciation for those smaller jobs that seem to pile up? I’ve found that when I want to give thanks for several things somebody has done, but money really isn’t appropriate, I give them a small gift that meets one of their needs. Whether that is an evening of child/pet sitting or a gift card to dinner/something they love/movie tix, it shows your gratitude without offending anyone! I’m sure they know you’re on a limited income and wouldn’t expect anything extravagant. Besides, things from the heart mean so much more. Good luck!
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I struggle with this too. It’s such a delicate balance and one that is hard to achieve. Can you talk to your sister about it? I’ve been waiting on my brother for weeks to build me a shelf, and I get it. Between work and a family with two toddlers, he’s extremely busy. But he and I have a good relationship, so I simply confronted him (nicely of course) and asked him to be honest as to whether or not he could complete the task. I’d rather try to find someone else than wait around.
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I run into the issue with family where I get told: “Call me if you need anything!” I ask them for help with something. “I’m working, can I come some other day?” I say okay and never hear from them again. The thing I wanted help with breaks and I need it fixed immediately so I ask again. “Why didn’t you ask for help earlier?” Sighhhhhhhhhhh.
I much prefer paying for something to be done unless it something simple and getting a professional will cost like $125 for a visit for something that takes 2 minutes to fix and that I know how to fix but simply can’t do it myself.
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Lupa, that’s another extremely frustrating aspect of the whole thing. I can’t decide whether to cry or scream when I clearly know how to do something, and would be happy to tell someone how, but I can’t do it myself b/c of strength and mobility issues!
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And then it’s even more frustrating when someone finally does come to help and I try to explain what I want done. I’ll tell them “just tighten that screw right there”, and they’ll look at me and then go outside and take a tire off my van. And I’m like wtf that wasn’t even close to what I said to do.
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