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What do you do or say when someone tries to shake your hand and you can’t?
What do you do or say when someone tries to shake your hand and you can’t?
I am always asking myself why I make situations awkward, and it starts with handshakes. Whenever someone tries to shake my hand, I freeze. All social skills go out the window, and awkward silences enter.
Just recently, I was at a local brewery talking to an employee. We’re planning on doing some work together, so we were discussing our options. He was so kind and outgoing, and we had a great conversation. Then the dreaded “it was a pleasure meeting you” came with an extended hand. Don’t ask me why, but I froze. I could carry on a conversation with him, but when the handshake came, all words escaped me.
How do I handle these types of situations better?!
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9 Replies
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Maybe my face is expressive enough, or have an interesting smirk, but usually I just say “I don’t really shake hands.” Usually it makes people feel like idiots for asking. However a smile and “It was great to meet you,” sets them back at ease. There may not be an immense amount of things to be grateful for as a result of Covid, but people’s understanding of not wanting to shake hands or the awareness that not everyone is comfortable with physical contact has definitely increase.
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That’s a good point. I don’t know why I get uncomfortable telling someone I can’t shake their hand. Like it’s not my fault that I can’t? Maybe I need to take a more lighthearted approach and not overthink it too much.
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Always have the confidence of a drag queen when it comes to knowing who you are and what you need and want. We don’t always know the answers about ourselves and others, but when we find them and are certain, be confident. Humility and gratitude are not the opposite confidence, that is arrogance. People are attracted to and feel safe around those who are self-assured but not cocky.
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Great advice. Thank you 🙂
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You’re not alone in this.
I consider myself socially adept but in recent years that handshake moment is… awkward.
They reach out their hand and we don’t follow through the social contract to meet them halfway. We can’t. They’re left hanging, not knowing what they’re supposed to do and we’re kind of stuck, knowing what’s expected isn’t possible.
One more situation where we have to manage our own limitations (and our feelings about those limitations) while explaining ad nauseam what they are. Meanwhile, smoothing over the deer in headlights discomfort that leaves us both floundering.
What the f**k do we do here?
Depending on the situation, I have sometimes said, “you can shake my hand, but you’re gonna have to lift it.” Saying I can’t comes across almost like a rejection until you qualify it with “nice to meet you.” Hispanic culture often includes the European kiss on both cheeks which can replace a handshake.
@angel “the confidence of a drag queen”? Brilliant! I love that so much.
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I wish the kiss on the cheek was more acceptable around here. I’m Portuguese, and everyone in our Portuguese community kisses each other. I even kiss some of my Portuguese friends when we get together. Alas, the majority of the people I meet aren’t into that sort of introduction. It makes not being able to shake people’s hands much harder!
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I think part of this potentially stems from already feeling a little awkward in some social situations. There are certain expectations that we just can’t adhere to. Additionally, people often don’t know how to react around those of us in power chairs. And some of it may also be related to being concerned with others’ expectations of us. Over the last few years, my right arm and shoulder have gotten weaker (I’m in the process of switching from Spinraza to Evrysdi to see if there are any differences).
This was never an issue for me before, but shaking hands has become more difficult. That’s awkward and even “bro hugs’ are a challenge. I try to modify my alignment with those I expect will want to shake hands as some positions are easier for me. That doesn’t always work and extending my right arm and hand is difficult if not impossible now in some angles. I was always raised to exude confidence with a firm handshake, so this has been an adjustment for me. I do the best I can, but hopefully, all or most other aspects of the interaction are positive, and the person tends to understand. Easier said than done, but I just don’t worry about it.
So with @angel ‘s permission, have the confidence of a drag queen and make the best of the situation (love this, BTW). If you feel like explaining, do so, but don’t feel like you owe an explanation or an apology. You are who you are; embrace that and having that comfort level and confidence with yourself may help you – and them – overcome any awkwardness.
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Typically I just give the eyebrow raise w/slight head nod and that’s sufficient to ward off a handshake. If I see them coming in for one my main concern is powering off my chair. My second thought is where’s my hand sanitizer. Oh the joys of socialization. I usually don’t have time to explain anything so just go with it as awkward as it might be.
@angel “I have the conference of a drag queen!” Can we get that on a t-shirt? Even better if it has sparkles.
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Omg YES. I would rock that f-shirt.
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