• Confidence and Dating

    Posted by kevin-schaefer on August 25, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    I’d venture to say that most of us have had at least some confidence issues when it comes to dating. It’s pretty natural. Having SMA kind of invites anxiety when it comes to dating, which is partly due to the fact that there are still stigmas about people with disabilities and our desire/ability to date. It’s dumb, but it’s there.

    I think the first step is just developing confidence. Just today I went for it and asked out a girl who I met at a wedding a couple months ago. She hung out with some friends and I the other night, and we have a lot in common. After a lot of overthinking and talking with a friend about it, I said “screw it” and called her up.

    This person was upfront and did say she is taking a break from dating right now, but she also said she would love to hang out sometime. Hey, it’s a start. If I hadn’t taken the risk, I wouldn’t have known and we wouldn’t be hanging out at all. Just putting yourself out there is the hardest part, but you’ll feel better once you do it.

    I think you’ll find that more people are willing to look past our disability than you think, even embrace it as a part of our identity. I prefer meeting people in person over online dating, but when I was on those sites I did get quite a good number of likes and girls who wanted to meet me. I put my disability upfront in my profile, and made sure to let others know that it’s a big part of who I am. Don’t be ashamed of having SMA, or afraid that it makes it impossible for you to find a relationship. If it’s something you want, it’ll happen.

    That’s just my two cents. I know I’m not an expert on this subject, but I’m both content with singleness and confident that the right person for me exists. Let me know your thoughts, and I hope you all have a great weekend.

    kevin-schaefer replied 5 years, 8 months ago 2 Members · 2 Replies
  • 2 Replies
  • ryan-berhar-2

    August 25, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    Great points. I think the biggest roadblock for me is how abnormal the process is required to be. I can’t pick up a girl by myself, so what am I supposed to do? Have my grandma drive both of us someplace? That’s awkward. Furthermore, what place is that? I can’t do most normal dating things. I can’t really go to events. I can’t really even eat. About the only thing I’m comfortable doing is getting coffee lol. It’s tough.

    • kevin-schaefer

      August 26, 2018 at 2:54 pm

      That can be awkward for sure. Do you have any friends who can drive you? Most of the time I go out friends drive me. I’ve had girls drive me as well. And even you have to have your parents or your grandma drop you off, it’s not as awkward as you think. Just tell the girl you need to meet there. And really most first dates you do meet there, so it really doesn’t matter who drops you off (as long as they don’t follow you in haha).

      As far as where to meet, let me know when you get your JACO arm. I’m telling you, it makes it so much easier to go out and be more independent. There’s also nothing wrong with coffee shops, especially for first dates. You could also do movies, restaurants that aren’t too loud, parks, etc. But really, let me know when you get your arm.

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