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Dating, Sex, and Practicing Vulnerability
Read Brianna Albers’ latest column about being vulnerable and reactivating her OkCupid account: https://smanewstoday.com/2018/11/05/sma-dating-sex-practicing-vulnerability/?amp
Brianna hits on a lot of great points about the anxieties that come with revealing your disability in an online dating profile. I was always upfront about it when I was on those sites, and it really helped in my opinion. It eliminated all of the people who refused to date someone with a disability, and it opens doors for interactions with people who you might be compatible with.
What do you all think? Did any particular points from Brianna’s column resonate with you?
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5 Replies
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I thought dating sites were worth trying, because I don’t go out much, and, therefore, have minimal contact with people. I’m not going to meet any girls sitting at home all day, so I might as well try something, I thought. However, I’ve determined that dating sites are pretty much useless. How do I possibly “reveal” everything over the internet? The SMA barrier is difficult enough to break down in person, but trying to do this over the internet just seems like a useless endeavor. If I meet a girl in person, however, there’s a chance I can show her that I’m really just a regular guy despite my physical abnormalities. It’ hard, because I long for a relationship, but I just can’t seem to find one. The prospect of being single for the rest of my life is honestly my biggest fear, but as soon as I find myself thinking those thoughts, I push them away and remind myself that my contentment doesn’t rest on having a wife or kids or anything else. Sometimes I succeed in suppressing those anxieties, and other times they get the better of me. Such is life I suppose. I’ll just continue to persevere one day at a time. Whatever happens will happen.
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This is a really good article about that topic in particular: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/27/opinion/online-dating-disability.amp.html. I actually found it pretty easy to include basic information about my disability in my profile. I used a profile pic of me in my chair and not just a headshot, and I wrote a little about it in my bio.
Also, have you tried getting plugged into a singles or young adults group at your church? That could be a great way to meet people in general.
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Yeah i was in a church group for a while. It definitely helps.
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For people with SMA is biggest problem that we are so sensitive.I wrote about my experience with online dating,and I haven t any succes,I met few girls that they accept my disability and even we thought about even marriage,but all that finished unsuccefull.And why that finish unsuccesfull?One reason is maybe got scared to live with man in wheelchair,second is their parents and friends maybe influence on them talking them that they deserve better man or better say they deserve health man.It is good example famous couple Shanne and Hannah,someone wrote on Hannah Instagram profile,why she need to be with man with disability,it is better to her to find some health man and have kids with them.And after that I felt little depressed,and in this moment I haven t any desire to try again.Maybe I need little break.Because that is our main solution to find life partner.Of course it would be better to have normal live dating,but Ryan explain why is easier to us online dating.When I was young I haven t fear solitude,but now when I have 40 ,i asked myself what kind of future expect me and I have some fear.Yes it would be best solution to have someone.In my religion always mentioned one thing,patience ,but can we whole life be patient and hoping to happend something good in our life.Our life is constant fight,and we must fight for our better life.Because we are also human beings,we need love like other people.
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We definitely have more challenges in this area, but I’d say don’t give up. Also, this is a great book about dating and disability, written by an author with SMA: http://www.beacon.org/In-Sickness-and-In-Health-P1291.aspx
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