For much of this year and last, I feel as though I’ve been sitting on the sidelines of life. The pandemic really put a pause on everything for me, and given the fact that things are still messy out there and I don’t feel comfortable resuming my normal life again, it very much feels like I’m watching others move on while I’m “stuck.” Of course, I’ve had good moments— great ones even— throughout this year, but right now I’m grieving all the things I’ve missed like showers, weddings, shopping, etc.
Today, all of these thoughts came flooding into my head. I’m planning a huge photoshoot for my job that’s taking place in London next week, and this morning I was finalizing details when a wave of disappointment hit… I can’t be there with my coworkers. Aside from Covid, I’m too physically weak to travel these days, so all I keep thinking is, “another opportunity missed on account of SMA.” This narrative is all too familiar in my head, and ugh— it’s heavy to carry sometimes.
I don’t really have any advice or questions for you today. Just thought I’d share my feelings in case someone out there reads this and resonates with me. To that person, you’re not alone. We’ll get through it just like we always do. That’s the beauty of resiliency. Thank you for letting me vent here!