-
Responding to Microagressions
Maybe you guys can give me some pointers. I never know how to respond to microagressions, or backhanded compliments, in everyday conversations. Statements like “must be nice, I wish I could sit all day” or the classic “you’re so lucky you can eat anything you want and not gain weight” are just some examples.
I don’t believe there is ever any malintent coming from these people. Nevertheless, sometimes these words can be harmful. If only people knew how lucky they are to get up and move around, have a body that doesn’t reject food, etc etc. Has this ever happened to you before? Usually I’ll shrug it off but I feel like they’re good opportunities for teaching moments. I just never know how to go about it. What do you think?
-
4 Replies
-
Sometimes people only see what they want to see. Either that, or many of us are good at hiding our struggles. My response to comments like these is to say, “Trade ya!” Obviously it can’t happen but sometimes it makes them think beyond themselves.
-
I do not have SMA, my granddaughter does. I joined the SMA Newsletter and forums to try to prepare myself for what to expect as she grows up, and how to support and help her. I am very new to all of this and like most people I can only imagine the difficulties that a person with SMA must face daily. And “imagining it” is nothing like going through it must be, so I really don’t know. But what I do know is people who say dumb things and put their foot in their mouth because they straight up do not know how to handle a situation. I am pretty good at doing that myself, and maybe I am doing it right now. I don’t think they are trying to be passive-aggressive, I think they just don’t know how to handle what they are faced with when they are confronted by the challenges they see you must face every day. They don’t know what to say. They don’t know how to say “wow you are spectacularly strong the way you face your life in a wheelchair every day,” so they make a stupid and insensitive joke. I wish I could give you some great come-back lines that would make it a teachable moment but I am not good with those. Just look at those people and realize that at that moment they feel incredibly “socially awkward” and are putting their big fat foot in their mouth. As they are walking away they are probably thinking, “oh my god, I can’t believe I said such a stupid thing.” Or they are just jerks.
-
Thank you for sharing such an honest and fresh perspective, Heather. You bring up some really great points. 🙂
-
-
Heather – you’re spot on, which is why I don’t let myself get offended by the the things people say… especially when they’re just trying to be nice. I also think microagression theory is bunk. There’s no reason to invent new ways to be a victim of society.
Having said that, it can be amusing to have fun with people in order to set them straight when they are jumping to conclusions.
My favorite is when a waiter/waitress asks the person I’m with what I want to order, instead of asking me, when I’m sitting right there.
“And what would he like?”
me… “He would like the tuna salad, thank you.”
Log in to reply.