SMA News Forums Forums Life Advice and Transitions Dating and Marriage Introducing the SMA Dating and Relationships Forum

  • Introducing the SMA Dating and Relationships Forum

    Posted by kevin-schaefer on January 3, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    Welcome to the forum for SMA and dating/relationships! The topic of dating and disability isn’t always as widely discussed as it should be, and I want this to be a place where we can expand on this discussion and share both questions and experiences. Whether you’ve been in a relationship or just want to learn from other SMA folks who have, this is the place for you.

    Introduce yourselves here and let me know what you hope to gain from this forum. My name is Kevin and I’ll be moderating all of the forums here. I have SMA type 2 and I work here at SMA News Today. Looking forward to hearing from you all!

    kevin-schaefer replied 6 years, 2 months ago 3 Members · 10 Replies
  • 10 Replies
  • deann-r

    Member
    April 3, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Dating has always been pushed to the back burner for me.  I’m not opposed to it, I just haven’t made it a priority.  At this point I wouldn’t know where to even begin.  Never liked the bar scene, online services don’t appeal to me either.  I love hearing others stories of finding love though, or even misadventures.  They provide a great learning experience.

    • kevin-schaefer

      Member
      April 8, 2018 at 12:13 pm

      I hear you. The bar scene definitely doesn’t appeal to me. I go to trivia nights with friends at a local brewery, but I’ve never really been interested in going for dating purposes. And yeah I’ve used some of the apps before, but it’s hard to find people that aren’t just looking for casual relationships.

      Right now I’m content with friends and my work life, and I have close female friends. Nevertheless I’m encouraged by stories of inter-abled relationships, and how they can start to defy stigmas about individuals with disabilities being “incapable” of romance and dating.

  • adnan-hafizovic

    Member
    April 12, 2018 at 11:42 am

    Hi Kevin and DeAnn.I just wanna say that we are people with disability,but that doesnt mean that we havent need for love and sex.It is hard to us to find boy od girlfriend,specially that if we have to need a good relationship our partner must been health.Kevin I read your column when you went on swimming with your friend who is woman and she is very beautiful and probably nice person.And I must admit that I`m on your place I would be in temptation to ask her,does she wanna have be my girlfriend.I was in similar situation but I never ask my woman friend that does she wanna been my love.Because I was afraid what if reject me,does it spoil our friendship.At the end love is good thing and we must always search her.And excuse me if I have some grammar errors.

    • kevin-schaefer

      Member
      April 12, 2018 at 12:34 pm

      Thanks for commenting Adnan! Yes, I think the more we show people that we are capable of dating and romantic relationships, the better. Just going on dates and such helps reduce stigmas.

      And thanks for reading! Katherine and I are just friends, but I think it’s equally important to have strong, platonic relationships.

      What about you? Have you had any dating experiences that you’re comfortable sharing?

  • deann-r

    Member
    April 12, 2018 at 4:39 pm

    Good to hear from you Adnan!  Relationships sure can be tricky, especially when one party wants to keep it in the friend zone and the other might want more from the relationship.  Guess I tend to automatically assume I’ll be friend zoned, so I just go there with friendships.

    What do you guys think is more common, relationships where both parties are disabled or where one party is and the other is not?  Just curious.

     

    • kevin-schaefer

      Member
      April 15, 2018 at 6:05 pm

      Based on people I know and from stories I’ve heard, the latter seems more common. Nevertheless, I’ve also heard great success stories where both people in the relationship have a disability.

  • adnan-hafizovic

    Member
    April 18, 2018 at 6:41 am

    Well I haven`t any serious relationship,simply it hard to find woman who wanna be my how to say caregiver and my wife.Deann is better relationship when boths partners are with disability,because they understand each other,but it hard to do some things,you know what things.

    • kevin-schaefer

      Member
      April 18, 2018 at 9:32 am

      It’s definitely a challenge. Also I recommend reading Ben Mattlin’s newest book “In Sickness and in Health: Love, Disability and the Perils and Pleasures of inter-abled romance.” Mattlin is an SMA author who I’ve had on the podcast before. He gives some great insight into various inter-abled couples.

    • deann-r

      Member
      April 18, 2018 at 9:46 am

      When both parties have a disability I would imagine you’d have to get creative when it comes to intimacy.  I can certainly see what you’re saying about having things in common when you both face similar obstacles in life.  It would seem to open a lot of dialog when it comes to getting to know each other.

      As far as partner/caregiver, do you think that those two roles automatically intertwine?  Being the person with the disability I wouldn’t want to burden a partner with that responsibility, yet if they cared about you I’m guessing they’d want to assist you when they could.  I’m sure every situation is unique to that regard.

      • kevin-schaefer

        Member
        April 18, 2018 at 12:18 pm

        I think it does vary situation to situation. However, I have an SMA friend whose previous romantic relationships were all with nurses/caregivers. He did warn that there are problems with this, and recommended not to date your primary caregiver. Personally I think it’s good to have a balance. You don’t want to depend on your spouse or partner for everything, but you want to be with someone who is there to help you when you need them.

        Great discussion!

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