I can relate. Sometimes it is very hard when people have to move on – and this has happened probably more than 100 times in my lifetime and is bound to happen a few more times in the course of my life.
Growing up in an institution, I remember being devastated when one particular nurse who we all adored decided to leave. We knew we would never see her again – I’m not sure how we knew this, but we knew and we were right. I was only 7 years old but I decided that I would keep my emotional distance and not become attached to any of “them”. It was helpful and prevented a lot of heartbreak for the rest of the time I live there.
As an adult living in the community, many attendants would come and go in my life. I would keep my relations with them friendly, but always held back emotionally. If I only saw the person when they are being paid to assist me, they were in one category. If we also did things on non-paid time, I would them consider them friends. This helped me to put the relationships into perspective.
There are a lot of attendants in my life, because they all work shorts shifts and I see on average 7 different people every week. I’m friendly with everyone, and you do get to know people through their trials and tribulations and at times, them witnessing my own. This relationship is often more than just an attendant, but a form of friendship as well. Some people have coined the term “friend-tendent” (friend + attendant) to describe this.
Sometimes I find it is hard when people have to move on. It’ feels like a betrayal. If I reserve some emotional attachment so it is not so bad when they do. I find since I have now been hiring my own attendants, many times we stay in touch after they moved on and so we are truly friends. When I see them they are not paid to be with me but simply hanging out or visiting. That’s how I make boundaries that lessen the heartbreak.