Making the Hard Decision

[amy-olmscheid]

Thanks for sharing, Alyssa.  Yes, have had times when what my body needed/what was best for my health didn’t match up with what I wanted to do for work  Before COVID, I had to start working from home several days a week and had a lot of mixed emotions about not being in the office/with my team etc.  Hope that you get to a spot of peace with your decision eventually.

[alyssa-silva]

Thanks Amy. It’s comforting knowing that others understand where I’m coming from. I hope you were able to get some peace with your decisions as well.

[deann-r]

I recently gave up one of my side gigs as well. It was a tough decision but I felt I didn’t have the time to do it the way it needed to be done. Usually everything works out in the end. To be honest it’s been refreshing not having it on my plate. No one can do it all, so give yourself credit for the things you do get done, including taking care of yourself.

[alyssa-silva]

So true. I do have a tendency to focus on what I lack and not what I’m capable of. Great advice, thank you.

[blake-watson]

Ever feel that way? That your body holds you back and calls the shots when your brain has a different narrative in mind?

Yes, all the freaking time. I had one experience in particular that I was very bummed about. In 2011 I finally got my first job after being unemployed for several years out of college. It was on a trial basis for Automattic, the company that runs WordPress.com. I was hoping to eventually be a web developer there but my position was in customer support. Because of my slow typing ability, I felt I wasn’t doing a good job at keeping up my support email output and I was becoming increasingly frustrated with myself and stressed out about it (not that my employer was making me feel that way because they weren’t). I had to do a little soul-searching, but I decided that the right move was to leave that job and focus on getting one in web development/programming.

That wouldn’t happen until four years later, and during that time I nearly gave up on ever working again. I had a lot of regret then, but once I finally got a job in the industry I was happy to have made that choice.

I almost think of it as an instinct thing. If you felt a strong inclination that you needed to give that job up, then it was probably the right decision.

[tammy]

I can totally understand about feeling torn. I’ve wanted to quit my job for the last 15 years lol. I’ve been working at the same job for 21 years since I was a senior in high school. Of course it started out as just an after school job and I had no intention of staying. But here I am 21 years later, ugh. We have changed ownership twice but other than that everything is pretty much the same. I love my co-workers and all and we are all like a big family, a lot of us have been there for a really long time too. It’s just the job itself I hate. I always wanted a career and it just never worked out that way for me. To me it is “just a job” where I am at. And there was a point a few years ago that I was working 2 jobs that we’re both “just jobs” LOL. But the 2nd one ended up becoming a pain after some company changes and the demand became overwhelming. The workload was much more and they were constantly asking me to stay late or work extra days. But I couldn’t because of job #1. So I ended up quitting after 2 years. My other situation which holds me back is the need for others to drive me to my jobs. It limits my availability. I also feel held back because if I tried to get a good job then I will lose SSA/Medicaid. I don’t know if it’s the same in all states but in NJ if SSA stops Medicaid also stops. Which isn’t fair. I honestly couldn’t care less about the SSA check because it isn’t even enough to live on. For me I just can’t lose Medicaid. Even if I was making 6 figures a year it still wouldn’t be enough to cover the disability related expenses that we have. Basically I would have to be a billionaire to afford it. I don’t know how some other people do it, working really good jobs and still having insurance to cover all of their needs like pca’s and medical equipment and wheelchair related equipment. I guess it just depends on the insurance offered by the company you work for. I don’t see myself getting lucky in that department as it is hard enough just to even get hired being disabled. I’ve never had friends or family members say hey I own my own company or I’m the manager at such-and-such place, why don’t you come and work for me. It’s just never worked out that way for me. I know someone with a completely different disability(actually I don’t know her personally, but know of her from word of mouth) and her limitations are extreme, way worse than mine. She is not even able to speak. But she got a really good job in a hospital as some kind of secretary or something related. And she has good insurance from the job and doesn’t need Medicaid. I just wish I could be so lucky. She had a family member who worked in the hospital and they helped her get the job. I have no such connections, even though it’s nobody else’s responsibility to help me get a job, I still would be really appreciative to have that help and inside connection. All of my friends work the kinds of jobs that you need a specific degree in or it’s simply not the kind of job I could even do(cops, teachers, hair stylists, etc). And then I have other friends who have just regular everyday whatever jobs like I do and there wouldn’t be any point leaving mine to go there when it’s the same thing. I just wish I could find a better solution for the way I’m living now. Being on Medicaid they want you to be dirt poor. It’s not even give enough to pay rent in my area lol. Not even half. It’s ridiculous. I have all these computer skills and Technology skills but I can’t use them because I’m not allowed to make money. I’d rather do without the check and keep my Medicaid if it was possible. So I can definitely understand you feeling back and forth about your decision but at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you and your health. Health is the most important thing. I always said that if I quit my job I would be sad about it because I’m very comfortable there and i love my co-workers, but if it was the right decision for me then I would do it. Anyway sorry to hijack your post and turn it into a long ass post about my gripes with Medicaid LOL, but I definitely understand your feelings.