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This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Alyssa Silva.

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    • #26121
      Alyssa Silva
      Keymaster

      Yesterday my best friend dropped some unexpected news on me and said she’s moving to Miami for an unbelievable job offer. I’m devastated. She was my person, and now she’s going to be on the opposite side of the country from me.

      I know things could be much worse in terms of how the world is doing these days. So I feel bad complaining. I’ve just been feeling really lonely these days and am needing a space to vent. Thank you for letting me do that here.

      I was so excited to start spending time with her again soon, but now I guess I’ll have to start feeling excited about this opportunity for her. Selfishly, I’m hurting and finding it difficult to do so, but I really am so proud of her. This is her once in a lifetime moment, and I am just so in awe of her. I know this won’t affect the love we have for each other. It’s just that things are going to be much different now.

      So is it cool if I still say “what the heck, man?!!?” Ugh loneliness is a hell of a monster and a thief of joy. Have you been feeling lonely lately too?

      I think loneliness is something we don’t talk about enough because it makes us sound weak, but hey. I’m lonely as heck right now. Know your loneliness is welcome here.

    • #26127
      Kip Troendle
      Participant

      Feeling your sadness and loneliness, Alyssa.  Like I’ve said my entire adult life… I can handle and deal with the physical challenges of SMA, but the emotional side is a true battle hard to handle.  It so difficult having an outgoing personality stuck in a body that can’t keep up.

      Hopefully as one door slightly closes on you, another will open!

      • #26131
        Alyssa Silva
        Keymaster

        I hear ya, Kip. The emotional battles are brutal for sure. Thank you though! Hoping to bust through that new door sooner rather than later hah.

    • #26128
      Kelly Miller
      Participant

      I’m so sorry Alyssa, and I definitely feel you! One of my best friends just told me that she’s not moving here near me in Florida, but she’s decided to go to another state. Still a 14-hour drive away, just like where she lives now. I’m not doing as well as you with encouraging her toward her new place. It makes me sad and a little angry because we had talked about plans of things we would do together. But as Kip says one door is closing, but another bestie is definitely moving here! That will be a salve on my wounds, but it won’t come until I’ve already felt sad.

       

       

      • #26132
        Alyssa Silva
        Keymaster

        I know, it’s so frustrating. This girl actually came into my life at the same time my very best friend since kindergarten was moving away 4 years ago. I was equally heartbroken back then and, at the time, had no idea this girl would end up becoming one of my closest friends. It really was proof that when one door closes, another opens. I’m trying to cling to that hope right now.

    • #26129
      Mike Huddleston
      Participant

      Hey Alyssa. To me, plain and simple, you’re dealing with a form of grief.  There are many articles and sites about this.  I was overwhelmed with the volume of info by just googling, “grief when a friend moves away”.  Sure, you want to be supportive of her awesome opportunity, but there is still the pain you’re feeling at your loss.  It is real and it is okay to recognize and acknowledge it.  Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, but realize that pain from grief eases with time, just like other life altering events that impact us so hard at an emotional level.  It’s not a death, but it is a significant loss from your perspective.

      Your relationship with this friend will adapt.  As difficult as it is and will be for the near term, embrace the changes and explore options for maintaining that relationship in a way that works for both of you.  And after things settle down when we return to our new post pandemic reality, explore options locally that increase your opportunities for new friendships nearby.  As Kip says above, perhaps another door will open.

      • #26133
        Alyssa Silva
        Keymaster

        Mike, I always look forward to reading your posts because you have such sound advice. Thank you for sharing this with me. You’re right, you’re absolutely right. This is definitely a form of grief I’m dealing with and will heal in due time. I was at a funeral once, and although the circumstances were incredibly sad, I heard the best explanation about grief. The priest talked about how we’re often ashamed of grieving and try to hide it from others. But grief is proof that you loved something or someone well, and there’s no greater feeling than that.

        When I put my grief in perspective like that, I feel so much peace. Like you said, it’s not a death per se, but it is the end of a friendship we had in real life. Fortunately, the pandemic has definitely taught us how to make virtual friendships work, so I’m sure we’ll adapt to this new era for us.

    • #26154
      DeAnn R
      Keymaster

      I feel ya. Two of my closest neighbors have just moved. They’ve been here since I moved in 16 years ago. It stinks. COVID throws a wrench into things but can you figure out a way to throw a little send off party of some sort? It might be a way to show your appreciation and be supportive despite being bummed about it.

      • #26155
        Alyssa Silva
        Keymaster

        Ugh, I’m sorry to hear about your neighbors. Yes, I’m going to try to somehow do something with her. She is starting right away which puts a damper on things, but I think she’ll be coming back a few weeks after she starts to pack up her belongings and ship them out. Hopefully the weather will be nicer by then for us to have a party for 2 outdoors!

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