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Disability Perceptions
Building a little bit on Kevin’s post about avoiding/managing burnout, do you ever feel like you have to do even more to be perceived differently by others? For example people know I’m disabled so in my mind, whether they do or not, I feel like they think I sit at home all day twiddling my thumbs. I think that’s part of the reason I take on so many projects, to prove I keep busy. On top of that those folks who believe I’m not up to much can’t figure out why I don’t instantly respond to their texts. Sometimes I just want to say give me a minute, but then I think they’ll just think I’m being lazy. Am I making sense or is that all in my head?
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6 Replies
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Yeah I totally understand what you mean. Anytime I get called “buddy” or talked to like I’m a kid just because I’m in a wheelchair, it makes me all the more motivated to work harder and prove myself. I know other SMA people who are the same way.
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I absolutely understand what you’re talking about Deann. When I my job way back when, I felt like I had to work that much harder to prove I didn’t get it just because of quotas. I constantly pushed myself harder than everyone else in order to look like I was supposed to be there. I know this was in my head, but I couldn’t help thinking it.
Now that I’m retired, I constantly fight a battle of trying to look like I’m busy to my friends. They don’t understand how it takes longer to get up, get a shower, and get dressed, not to mention getting my feedings & meds. By the time everything is done, I feel like I’ve spent the better part of a day getting ready. Most of the days I stay home and do things on my computer. They think I’m just playing Candy Crush or watching Judge Judy, but I’m actually helping my husband write & edit his daily devotional he sends out, sending emails for him in his web design business, & making calls for my volunteer job as a mentor. Then I usually find time to read some of the New York Times or one of the current fictional novels I am reading. People seem to just assume that I don’t have anything to do. It’s crazy. I try not to let it bother me, but it’s good to hear someone else goes thru the same thing.
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This makes perfect sense to me! For some reason, people seem to assume that people with disabilities don’t have “lives.” I’ve run into people in public on multiple occasions who shocked to see me out and about. For some reason, they assumed that I never go anywhere fun. I think the fedex driver that brings my monthly supply shipment is more aware of my social life than some members of my family. He seriously changed his route for the day so that he arrives after I am home for the day. Because I *gasp* go places.
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Thanks guys! Glad to know I’m not the only one.
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Maybe I’m a little unusual this way, but I don’t care about how my disability changes people’s perception of me. People can think whatever they want, and I’m not going to go out of my way to prove some point. I only concern myself with things I can control. What I do care about is how people perceive my character, which is something I can control. Basically, I do my best to live a life that I’m satisfied with, and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. If people have false perceptions, that’s on them. I’m confident and comfortable with who I am and the image I project.
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Kevin, I found myself in what you said, that many people consider us children. We need to prove, but we do not need to be forced, because in this way we overcome and destroy ourselves. I know that most people view us as patients who do not have any need.
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