It’s hard, that’s for sure. Or maybe it’s because I’m not good at it. Or maybe it’s because of disability. Or maybe it’s lack of focused effort. Maybe it’s overrated. Or maybe I’m missing out. These are the ideas that surface when I think about love and relationships.
I did make a New Year’s resolution to stop paying for dating sites. At one point a few years ago I had paid memberships to 2 or 3. But I abandoned all of them except OKCupid because it’s the only one that has profiles with substance (rather than reducing it down to swiping on photos, ew).
But overall I don’t have much luck with dating sites and the interactions there feel forced and awkward. Women are often outnumbered on dating sites so men end up sending a lot of messages that go unanswered (talking in the context straight men/women here), making it a numbers game and incentivizing low-effort messages—which, incidentally, is a big complaint women have.
It’s also easy to start idealizing—forming the “perfect” partner in your mind and then passing over people who don’t fit. I’m guilty of it and it almost certainly happens to me (I doubt I fit any girl’s idealized man lol). The whole experience feels gross.
So I decided to leave the apps behind. It’s either gonna happen naturally or it won’t and I’ve decided to be okay with that. Hopefully somewhere, someplace a girl will see me when I’m in my element—making stuff, playing D&D, talking about space or fonts or whatever—and find me attractive in that moment. That’s the kind of thing I look for anyway. But until then, shedding dating apps feels like a weight off my shoulders.