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How do you feel about someone calling you an inspiration?
This was a really great column our fellow SMAer, Halsey, wrote recently. In it, she discusses “inspirational porn” and how
“inspiration” can be a loaded word among the disability community.How do you feel about someone calling you an inspiration? Do you think it’s ok in certain situations?
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17 Replies
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Alyssa, I know this topic brings out divisions so I’m always careful in how I reply. In my 65+ years with SMA, I’ve certainly had many people refer to me as inspirational. Some are tender memories, for example when my 84 year old father told me that because he could still get himself off the floor, he looked at my life as inspirational because as a disabled woman I was happily married, had a great career and still had a positive attitude (most days, lol). It actually brought me to tears, and still does. I was absolutely not offended.
Another time, at work when I was still ambulatory, my boss sincerely apologized one day for forgetting that it took me almost 5 minutes to get up from my office chair and walk to her desk, even though I was only about 10 feet away. She followed up with something like, “Robin, you do your job and I forget you’re disabled. You’re an inspiration for us all.” Again, I wasn’t offended.
I guess I’ve been lucky that most of the times I remember being called “inspirational”, it’s because those people were saying it “from their heart”. By that I mean they seemed to have gotten a good feeling that day from interacting with me. Even though others may disagree, I can’t find it offensive that someone else’s day was impacted in a positive way. I know that one of my “faults” is to try to see the good in most everyone and try not to be easily offended.
Or maybe I’m just interacting with the nicest people? Who knows for sure? 😊
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I agree. I try to tread carefully too. If my friends and family— people who actually know me and my journey— call me inspirational, I’m honored. I think some of my friends and family are inspirational too. It’s a nice compliment. But if a stranger sees me out having a coffee with a friend and calls me inspirational simply because I’m out enjoying my life, it’s a little uncomfortable for me.
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Alyssa, 👍
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Yes I agree with you on that one, I would totally find that offensive as well. Like I’m inspirational because I’m out having coffee and I actually have friends? LOL I definitely would take it the same way. Even if their intentions were good it’s still offensive. It would be the equivalent of one of us going up to an extremely overweight person and telling them their inspirational for eating a salad
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Omg I never thought of it that way, that’s so true haha. Ya it’s definitely weird to me.
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I’m another 65+ person who has had SMA all my life. I’ve dealt with the “compliment” many times in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever been annoyed with it. Those of you under 30 have no idea of what we had to go through to get where we are. The ADA wasn’t signed until 1990, and it took even longer for accessibility to catch up. Imagine growing up without curb cuts, accessible schools, restaurants, theaters, hotels rooms, handicapped parking, lower-floor minivans, among many other items. I got a college degree, a job, married and raised a family without most of the things many of you take for granted today. I didn’t do it to become an “inspiration” for someone else, I did it because I wanted a life and the only way to get it was to fight through those obstacles.
Also remember all those who fought for your rights of accessibility. And don’t forget to keep fighting for continued improvement, like the Air Carriers Access Amendment Act 118.
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Hi Mark, feel free to join this Facebook group I recently set up for SMA Adults 50 & over.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1992651431088271/?ref=share_group_link
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Thank you Robin, I just did.
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I’m going to send you a friend request on Facebook.😊
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Completely agree with you Mark. It’s amazing how far accessibility has come, yet there’s so much work to be done. What really struck me in what you said is that a lot of it comes about by trying to live our lives and overcoming obstacles. In most cases I think individuals would do the same given our circumstances. Does living our lives warrant inspiration status?
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Although I do try to inspire people to live their best life, it can be a little off-putting to be called an inspiration simply for existing in a space occupied by a wheelchair.
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DeAnn,
Yes, I absolutely appreciate where you are coming from. That type of comment is from a stranger is not needed.
Perhaps because I’m a type 3, I don’t recall very many encounters myself with strangers making that type of comment. (Or my memory has faded…)
I can say that one thing that has definitely changed in my lifetime (in the US) is this — my type 2 brother was hardly ever acknowledged by strangers (or medical professionals) in the 1960s. My parents would be asked all the questions: “Would he like ice cream?” “Does he go to school?”, “Is he in pain?” My parents were usually abrupt and replied “You can ask him!” It seemed that the overwhelming perception was that a young person in a wheelchair was also mute or severely cognitively challenged.
Or worse was staring and pointing, or parents grabbing their child’s hand (while speaking softly) as if his disability was contagious or his wheelchair would bite them!
Everyone’s experience is different. Time has brought some changes, but certainly more needs to be done.
Honest Discussions like these, even among our community, can help raise awareness. I still have a lot to learn! 😊
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Inspiration without action falls flat for me. If they say it, they’d better back it up with something actionable or it’s just words intended to make the person saying it feel better about their discomfort. I know this is a hot topic and that seems harsh, but it is how I feel when the words are said.
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Yes I totally agree. 💯 How do you handle it when a stranger calls you an inspiration?
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When called an “inspiration,” I inwardly smirk while outwardly I graciously accept the compliment. I know I am just trying to live my life the best I can and have done nothing heroic. Through the years, when the speaker at an event begins with words like, “Now I would like to introduce a person who is truly an inspiration…”my wife glances at me with a knowing expressions of what is coming next. Sometimes when she has gotten angry with me, I have remined her that I am an inspiration. Not a good idea! Seriously, I do believe that just by going on in our lives, whether in a wheelchair or on crutches, we do inspire able-bodied people who may have other sorts of challenges to keep on going. Never give up!
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Haha I like your comeback to your wife! I’m going to have to try that on someone the next time they’re angry with me. 😏
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Hey Alyssa and everyone. I’ve been out of town, so really late to the party on this one. Like Robin and Matt, I’m a bit on the older side, having turned 60 earlier this year. I understand the concerns people have about this, but to me, I try not to judge the reasoning behind these comments. Sure, some people are saying it to make themselves feel better, or because they’re simply to socially awkward or uncomfortable to know that regular conversation ice-breakers are perfectly fine if they want to engage with me. So, for me, the stranger who says it because I’m out and about, living my life, is typically greeted with a brief nod and maybe a smile. If it leads to further conversation – or not – I’m perfectly okay with that.
I’m not here to be someone’s inspiration or hero, but in some ways our culture seems to want to elevate anyone who isn’t overtly a jerk into such status. So, some of it may be a byproduct of the times and what some perceive or believe is “the right thing to say”. But why invest the energy trying to assess or gauge their reasoning or motivation? And if you do, what are you going to do with this knowledge? Confront them? Why bother? It would just make us look petty. If in some way me living my life is an inspiration to someone, I’m thankful for that. If they’re just saying it to feel good, so be it. I can’t control other people’s thoughts, nor would I want to. I can only control me (hopefully), my emotions, and my reactions.
I’m much better being (actually or not) an inspiration to someone than having them ask whoever I’m with how I’m doing, when I’m right there. The latter is an opportunity to politely or kindly educate them, the other one really doesn’t matter to me.
However, the true heartfelt comments touch me and are genuinely appreciated – and remembered.
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